2.25.2015

babies, blogging and privacy.

I've been thinking about writing this post for months, and now that I'm only three weeks away from my due date, it's time to hit publish. I have been blogging for over four years and I've loved sharing important milestones in my life -- our engagement, marriage, move across the country, and most recently my pregnancy. I was thrilled to find out I was pregnant and I wanted to share my journey through bumpdate posts and #babycornflake pics on Instagram.

However, I think it's important to stop and think about babies, blogging, and privacy. I grew up with a computer in our home but Facebook and Twitter didn't come around until I was in college. The world has changed a lot since I was little and now many parents share photos and videos of their kids on social media. Others go a step further and chronicle their kids lives through blogging as a way to connect with their family. I totally respect that and I LOVE to read "mommy" blogs and see photos of cute babies. In the end it's up to the parents and it's a very personal choice as to what they share. As a blogger I often put pressure on myself to share everything, but that doesn't mean I should have to.

After a long discussion with H we have decided that we'd like to keep most of Violet's life private. That means I won't be posting photos of her on my blog or public social media accounts. It wasn't an easy decision, but given H's career -- he is a psychiatrist and he often evaluates mentally unstable patients who are being held in jail or in prison-- it only makes sense for our family to make her privacy a priority. We'd also like to give her a childhood similar to our own -- where her photos are kept in albums at home and not made available to everyone on the internet.

I have no doubt that I'll still talk about Violet in blog posts -- she'll be a huge part of my life, so how couldn't I?! I also plan on sharing her favorite toys and clothes, her nursery (whenever it's completed), and my favorite maternity and postpartum items since I've found similar blog posts helpful as a first-time mom. But I am not going to post a birth story or monthly developmental updates. I hope you understand and respect my decision. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to leave a comment below or email me!

What do you think mamas? When it comes to your kids -- how do you decide what to share?
-xo-
Jillian
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40 comments

  1. As a mom, I totally understand this. I try not posting that much of my kids either and I never say their names. It's a scary world!

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  2. I totally understand your decision, sweetie! Have a lovely day. xoxo

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  3. I'm obviously not a mom, but I totally understand your decision. Especially given your husband's job. I don't ever want to post pictures of my nieces not only because they aren't my kids, but I just don't feel comfortable. Sad that we have to think about the kooks that live in this world! I'm looking forward to hearing more about your journey though! I hope that you are feeling good too. :-)

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  4. I think that's a great decision! I know a few moms at my old school that I used to teach at that didn't post photos of their kids either, and it totally worked for them! It got tricky when some of their friends would post photos of their child when they were on playdates and such.
    Anyways, I totally respect your decision to keep things private!

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  5. I think you made a fantastic decision, and even though I'm not a mom yet I totally understand. I've talked to my husband about how when our time comes I don't even want to make a big announcement on FB or post too many photos because I like you mentioned we didn't grow up that way and I love the idea of having family photo albums at home :)

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  6. I'm not a mom, but this is something I think about every time I come across social media posts involving kids - how much is too much? Where on the spectrum of totally private / family only / family and intimate friends / wider aquaintances / public etc does this one picture fall? This one story? How is not just privacy but safety compromised when we share details? And - a hot button topic around the internet now - what decisions can we make for our children when they're too young to make their own?

    We don't plan to have kids for a while so who knows where social media will be then, but I hope to be as gracious as you when we do have kids and make a choice about how to share their lives!

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  7. I'm not a mom but I totally understand and respect your decision. Even more so with your husband's job. I think you made a very good decision. I wouldn't want pictures of my child on the internet either. It really is a scary world. Heck, I didn't even use my first name on my blog for a long time. Kudos to you!

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  8. I completely understand this and have been going back and forth on how we're going to handle it as well! I'm definitely torn on wanting to keep my child's life private for them, but I know I'll selfishly want to post adorable pictures of them as well. Totally respect your decision lady!

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  9. I'm about to be a mom, and I completely understand this! I've gone back and forth so much about what to do when she arrives. I'm not sure yet what we'll do. I completely agree with you that the internet is out of control, and there are so many creepy people out there, so I'm not sure I want my little girl's photos floating around. I can't wait to read your postpartum posts since I'll be going through it at the same time! I hope your labor & delivery goes so smoothly :)

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  10. 100% understand, respect and agree with the decision that you and H came too!! xo, Biana - BlovedBoston

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  11. I think you're making a great choice. It's tough to know how posting those details now will affect a child in the future, but I think it's better safe than sorry.

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  12. I think this is a smart and great decision you and H made!
    Enjoy your day!

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  13. I definitely respect that decision! I'm a new mom and writing a running/fitness blog, so my son isn't the primary subject, but does pop up in stories and occasional photos (I've done a couple of day in the life posts). Even though I don't write a mom blog, having a baby has had a major impact on my body and exercise routine, so from that perspective, it has been important to include.

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  14. I'm so impressed with you, and I think that's such a smart way to go about motherhood online. Excited to hear more about Violet, but on both of your terms ;) xx

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  15. I honestly think this is a fantastic decision. I like that you'll still be sharing about motherhood and your life, but photos really are such a private thing.

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  16. I completely understand where you’re coming from and think it’s a smart move. Violet’s safety comes first!

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  17. I absolutely understand your decision! It is important to protect our children the best we can! xxx

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  18. I'm not a mother, but I agree - everyone is different and everyone needs to make their own decisions. I think when I have a kid, I will talk about them a bit but it definitely won't be all I talk about, and I won't blog specific details or do monthly updates. That's just not my jam. I love reading about other peoples lives and kids, and I love birth stories so I might share my own, but I don't even know if I want to share my kids names yet. It bugs me when people don't, but I understand why and probably won't lol. I didn't get a computer until I was like 19 or 20! That was the first computer in our house.

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  19. Good for you! You have to do what is right for you and your family, just like you said. I'm just secretly glad I'll get to see the little nugget so I'm not too upset about no photo posts ;)

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  20. I've been struggling with this recently, too. My blog will never be a "mommy" blog but it is mostly a photography blog so figuring out what I'm comfortable with sharing and what I'd rather keep private in order to allow Baby to have his/her own privacy has been tricky. Right now, I occasionally share photos of my nieces but I keep their names private. And it's usually only photos of milestones or events, like portraits I did for the 2-yr old's birthday or party shots for the 1-yr old. I'll probably take the same approach with my own baby/kid, occasional photos but keep the name anonymous, but I really struggle with whether I should even do that. It's a tough road to navigate and even tougher in that we're the first generation of parents to really have to deal with it - thank god social media wasn't around when I was a kid!

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  21. I'm always curious to see how bloggers navigate sharing parts of their lives, especially having and raising children. All you can do is make the best decision for you and your family, and it sounds like you and H definitively have. Congratulations on Violet's imminent arrival, and brava for keeping some experiences personal! I'm certain that when she's 18, that lovely girl is going to be glad every goofy, drooly grin isn't available on the internet for all to see!

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  22. As other have said, I'm not a mom but I can totally understand this decision! It makes total sense, and I actually love the idea of taking it back to the way it was when we were kids, before social media and all of that!

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  23. Great move! I struggle with this constantly and it's been on my mind a lot lately. I did monthly updates with Miller until he was 5 months old and then it started to feel wrong. I have done a few with Matthew but nothing too much. I would really like to completely phase them out of my blog and just talk about me, life, shopping, etc but I don't know really know how to begin to do that. Of course when I did my survey the overwhelming thing everyone loved was personal/kids because we all like a peek at people's personal lives. I don't want to quit blogging completely (which I consider often) but I do want to be more careful about my kids.

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  24. Totally 100% understandable! That could be scary with H's career so I would not hesitate to do the same thing if I were in your shoes. And three weeks?!? Omg!

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  25. I don't have any kids but I definitely think that you made the right choice. If your little baby wants to be in the internet it will be her personal decision when she grows up, but for now, just enjoy having her around! Have a lovely day,
    Vera

    http://theflashwindow.weebly.com

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  26. I was telling my husband the same thing. Actually, I told him if I'm ever pregnant, I'd probably wouldn't tell anyone except close friends and family. It feels right to do that, like this feels right for you. And then I'll probably be the same as you and forgo any pictures of her on the internet at all.

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  27. Yes - your husband's career definitely adds a big justification to this decision, I totally get this! I do post photos and updates but am REALLY strict about never divulging other pieces of info (ie: any photos from her daycare - interior or exterior - and of course the name or location of it).

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  28. As a new mom and a new blogger I totally had those thoughts too, and I pretty careful with what I publish and keep it brief. I totally respect your choice! Every mom has to make tough decisions, but your comfortable means of privacy should never be violated.

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  29. This is perfect. You 100% need to do what is best for you, your family, and that sweet babe of yours!!! xo

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  30. What a wonderful move and I'm so glad you're doing what's best for you and your family. I'm sure it's tempting to feel the pressure to post every little detail, but in the end, you have to do what you feel comfortable with. Bravo!!

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  31. I 100% understand this. Like another commenter said, you do what's right for you. Though I'm sad I won't get to see her!! :) :) Very excited for you dear! :)

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  32. This is so understandable and you need to do what is best for you and your family!

    Abby
    www.champagneplans.com

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  33. I totally get it and am going to do the same thing. Well, I'll share pictures of him and Sawyer on my instagram, but that's because its pictures that I post I love and want to go back to. Plus, I make those pictures into little picture books, so its easy.

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  34. I think this is so smart. I'm glad you made the decision that works for you and your family, but also let your readers know why.

    Best of luck in these next few weeks!

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  35. Good for you for coming to this decision. You do what works best for you!

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  36. Oh no! I am so sad to read this! I totally understand why you are doing it and I support you but I want to see pics of her! Haha!

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  37. I totally respect that!! it is so hard to decide what to share and what to keep private in the world of blogging. I tend to stick to the topic of fashion, and rarely share much about my boys, but it is difficult because they are such a huge aspect of my life. good luck as you finish out your pregnancy!! I am right there behind you!! so glad I found your blog, its nice to have another yank navigating through Charleston!!

    xoxo,
    Tara Belle
    www.NorthernLights-SouthernBelles.com

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  38. I totally agree. I plan on doing the same when we have kids someday. :)

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  39. I really enjoyed this post and I completely respect your decision :) It's funny because I have a post with almost the exact same title that I'm working on because I wanted to share my thoughts on this subject as well because I think it's something that a lot of new mom bloggers struggle with! So excited for your little lady to get here :)

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  40. I couldn't agree with you more! I'm sure if I was a soon-to-be mommy as well that I would want to keep the details of our children private too. Hope you're having a great weekend. Xo, Stephanie

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